Chapter Thirty Six :Love and morphine

I've been out of the hospital for almost a week now. Im still not able to lift any thing over 5lbs by order of the doctor but i can do most everything else. Im home bound for the while but soon enough life will return to something like it used to be. But i will never be the same. Whatever god or force that saved us that night has a plan. And I beg to know what that is. Its amazing how when you come so close to dying even those you were distanced from the ones that truely care come back to your aid in a heart beat. Before that fateful night i was almost certain Austen and I were a thing of the past. But the moment i started to doubt my chances of making it i asked for him out of instinct. After my mom and family had arrived he was the first person i wanted there. Much to my surprise he wanted to be there to. Maybe it was the morphine talking maybe it was the mindset that i might easily slip into deaths cold embrace at any moment. But i confessed i loved him. After two days of non stop visitation he had to leave. And ive missed him every moment since. I cant go a day without talking to him via text message or i feel an emptyness. I dont know how it happened but i care about him as i have for only one other person in the past before. Brian. I feel it stronger than with anyone else ive been with since, even David zich, i thought i was in love with David , as it turns out i was just very well played as he intended. But Austen doesnt play games ( outside of the bedroom), my mom doesnt like him very much because were not exclusive but something tells me thats only a matter of time. For whatever reason we keep falling back together, initially what started as a one night stand ended up becoming something ....real. Were highly compatible ( were both pisces) we have so much in common and yet so much to learn from each other. Its odd how someone thats so not my usual type has become someone that i cant stop thinking about no matter how hard i try. I think it may e that ive found someone that i need to stay with for a while. And yet another thing thats pulling me away from north carolina. I talked to Brittany about it today, she only remembers the way we were before the accident, she told me to e cautious, as he didnt want a relationship with me before. But now it feels as if something has changed, i think hes realized that we both have a lot to offer each other and i think he knows now that im true to who i am, and i would only do right by him. And whatever scars he carries from past relationships i can help mend. But that i am worthy of letting in, and wont hurt him like so many others have hurt him because i know what its like. But for now im fine with undefined. One day god willing it will be more.

Chapter Thirty Five: Its alive

Its been a while since my last post. I was driving with Britany as our usual routine goes. We had gotten a pack of cigarettes at our usual kangaroo, then proceeded to the big city of greensboro. we went over the railroad tracks and such , and down through the city. We took a eft turn down friendly, the last thing i remember passing under was the mendenhall intersection. then we sat at a light for a little bit. I felt uneasy and poppe my feet up upon the dashboard. Then i saw the lights headed towards us. I turned to Brittany about ot say watch out. But as soon as i turned. I felt the cars collide with great force. I can still hear the screeching tires the twisting metal and exploding glass. And suddenly the time passed slower than the shards and shattered glass flying around us. I held my breath close within my chest as i felt the impact force it from my grip. It felt like a sack of hammers to the stomach. The smooth chill of the gas as it passed by my upperlip, the carress of the dash as it collided with both our skulls. the cocophony of silence that precluded that moment will live in memory forever as a haunting reminder. we embraced the night air as the last death bell rang out in the distant that surrounded our shrouds of metal wreckage. nothing human could describe the horrific view i saw. I felt myself gasping for the breath i had held for so long, i slowly regained it and tore off the seatbelt. I looked to my left and my right trying to see though my visions were blurring. I turned and looked at Brittany and saw her lying lifelss next to me. blood trickling down her nose and from her mouth. I called out her name she didnt answer. i slapped her cheek to wake her. she did not revive. I felt her neck she had a pulse. i tried to help her out. I felt around the steering panel and felt a gap where the dash met the wheel. I pulled with all my might, lacerating my hands. A stranger had come upon the window asking me questions i continued trying to save my friend. I thought she was going to die right there and it scared the hell out of me. I remember echoing back call 911. and get an ambulance she has a pulse. but shes not conscious. And then being forced to shimmy out of the gap in the vehichle at the threat that it would explode with me in it. I must have repeated myself a million times that night. as if in some eternal test. I called for my mother on the roadside. and then i called for my brother who lived close. we were taken to moses cone hospital not far from the collision. the entire highway shut down. The whole way asking myself why i was the only one who had survived to witness all of this horror. And then we arrived at the hospital. I was still picking glass from myself. and i suddenly doubled over in pain. they had me through the CT scan at least 4 times before they found the source of the pain was my perforated abdomine. I saw my mom for a few moments of shocking reveal before they set me up for surgery. I remember telling them to put my priortiy level after Brittany knowing she would need assistance faster and i could hang on for a decade. I went in for surgery. and dreamt in blcak for hours until i came to. I awoke surrounded by my mother brother Victor and my sister. I had requested Austen be called before the surgery began , and much to my surprise he walked in. Its been four or five days and the memory is still as fresh as the glass in my hair. or the staples in my stomach, but i looked at the wreckage photos and still have to wonder how it is we survived. Perhaps theres not a fairy tale on the other side of death. maybe there is , but somethings out there watching and it wants me to live. Im just glad i could assist my friend. people keep saying i saved her life. but i cant seem to agree. I just wish it had never happened. I have never been more scared in my life before. and not of the death but of something different. i cant put my finger on.