Chapter Fourteen: OH YOU FANCY HUH?

its a strange release leting go of a parasite thats been sucking you dry. No im not talking about a tapeworm or a ringworm or leech or anything, im talking about a person. This particular person was supposedly my friend. Her name Barb, her specialty : DRAMA, with a degree in instigating it, she has a rare talent from starting bullshit out of thin air. Im a very compassionate person, a very caring very trusting person. I became friends with this person but somehow fell under the illusions thrown in my face. after a grand total of a year, ive been through more bullshit because of her than because of anyone else. She used to ditch me here and there but we'd eventually hang out sometime during the week so i overlooked it ...foolishly but thats me always giving the benefit of the doubt. Eventually barb had moved herself into my life, without an invitation i might add, but i didnt mind because im not an exclusive person i dont disclude anyone without reason. during the summertime after musical was over, she had stopped hanging out with me and started hanging out with heaven, someone who i didnt have a problem with. I was low on gas one day when barb called me at 11:00 on a saturday to come help out heaven because she didnt know how to change a tire. I hopped in my hoopty being a good samaritan , and by the time i got there she was sitting in the driveway with her spare on, and turned around and said in a rather obnoxious rude tone " what are you doing here". I looked at barb and she said yeah i forgot to call you and tell you she got it on herself. they then without another word left and there i am car on E and i have to go to work in two hours and they just left not a thanks anyway nothing. Later during the week on my day off i called up barb to see if she wanted to hang out. " well im hanging out with heaven today" she told me , to which i replied thats chill can we all three not hang out, " were with heavans grandma" barb said ( probably a lie but i have no proof) over the phone i heard heaven say " i dont want to hang out with that loser". Now lets examine this here because this was my first redflag. why would you continue to hang out with someone , without setting them straight after they ditched your bestfriend?, particularly a bestfriend that you let someone call a loser, although apparantly i wasnt too big a loser for her to call me when she didnt know how to change a tire, but i digress. weeks went by eventually their relationship kind of went the way of the birds and once again i was the guy to call. after a while of hanging with my gay friend chris, who went to middle college with barb before she transferred back to western ( to be in musical of course ), who was asking me how i could stand her, and informed me that she had talked crap about me behind my back. i dismissed it as maybe miscommunication but i still held on to my suspiscion. Later during the year barb got a boyfriend and was always busy with him never having time for anyone else. One night at 1am i get a call , i answer to a hysterical barb asking if i could come pick her up, ( this had not been the first time i had gotten a "can you come pick me up" call at such a late hour but it was the first time it had the hysterical crying with it. "im at my house my aunts are kicking me out" she blubbered through her sobs. I went a picked her up and brought her back to my house. I arranged for my friend blake to house her.  after which , i never saw her for a solid few months , in fact outside of our classes i barely saw her at all, neither did blake because all her time was spent at her boyfriends house. well eventually she moved back in with her aunts , after a ton of drama she started in the little bits of time she wasnt with her boyfriend. second semester had begun, and we all had english together, blake barb and myself. I had told barb last year how i wanted to do a show for my senior project. I sat down at our table and barb said "DUSTIN im doing a show for my senior prject and i want you and balke to help me with it" i said what? she said" no im serious im gonna choreograph and produce you can do all the tech and blake will get the makeup and costumes" i said okay because i knew it wouldnt interfere with my directing and i hadnt really started on the product portion yet so it was all good as i was concerned and i assumed she had begun seeing about booking the auditorium and setting up an audtion date , she hadnt. It took forever to get her to sit down and have a meeting with me abotu the song selection so i could write the script around it. we finally got them all and the script was written within two days. I asked to have another meeting to discuss auditioning and the fine points of everything else. She kept dodging. Wednesday we had a meeting set up for right after third period not long just about five to thirty minutes. we both had early release so it wouldnt get in the way of anything. I got to second period and she stopped me and said " i cant make the meeting today because my aunts say i have to go immediately home". her aunts were strict but she had used that line before when it turned out she had just something else she wanted to do more going on or simply didnt want to do it. later that sme day i was texting her explaining the importance of the next meeting and told her we had to get together soon, and that the time for procrastinating was up we had to get things moving. we had set up the meeting for either or the next day thursday , or friday the day after. I didnt go to school on thursday so i texted her at 12:30, she gets out at 1:30 , and asked her where she wanted to meet me at school at her house or somewhere else to be determined, because it didnt make a fuck to me. she never texted back i texted her two more times during the day . The next day in first period , she didnt say a word to me, didnt say a word when i passed her on the way to second. Then she walked into my third period which she isnt in and began talking to everyone but me . I stopped her. " so are we having our meeting today then because you never texted me back" i said " you werent at school yesterday".she replied to which i said " i texted you at 12:30 you never texted back and i texted you two times after that" " you never texted me" she said to which i said " bullshit" she covered and said i mean you didnt text at twelve thirty . I said " do you want to see time sent on the message because i have it" she changed her tone and said " ive been thinking and talking to our english teacher and maybe we should just do seperate shows because i dont like the way this is going nothing is getting done" to which i said " EXCUSE ME!! , nothings getting done, ive been busting my ass doing every bit of work , my ducks are in a row the only worl not getting done is yours which i was going to do anyway but you sdid no its my job dont get in the way of my work it will look bad on me, so ive been fighting your ass to get anything done" i waited for a reply but she was speechless so i said " do your own show good luck but im booking the auditorium as we speak, dont even think about using my script or any of the songs that go with it because they are mine". sat down and talked to someone for a while then left after which i shouted bitch very loudly after her. i explained to her via text after that it was the final straw and she could call someone else to pick her up at 1 am when she needs it because i wouldnt be there im timred of being used and how she only knows my name when she needs something for me i said to her she could take her bullshit and stuff it. ........its funny how since letting out those words and removing this parasite of a person from my life i feel so much better still resentful a little but so much better , i wonder why that is?

Chapter thirteen: Ending a chapter and starting anew

ive been dealing with the onset of a depression lately. Im the most self critical person i know. I hide it with confidence, and false smiles so my hurt doesnt show. But inside im not really sure if im all people see in me. People tell me im beautiful but all i see is ugly. People say im talented, but i only see the things i did wrong. Lately ive been disappointed in myself, and my health has been down. im not sure if i can make it out in the big bad world, and it makes me think of death. Ive never been afraid of death, but im terrified of saying goodbye to my memories and closing chapters, i hope to live my life in a panorama where every moment that was positive will collide. Ive had a lot of happy in my life, a great deal my fair share id say. Its hard to know that when you see its surrounded in misery torment and heart ache. Most of the happiest times in my life where surrounded by unforseeable terrible events. One year sticks out in my mind. 9th grade, my mom finally divorced my little brothers dad who was a tyrant. I finally had made it out of middle school and made a ton of new friends, and i had gotten a lead role for my first year in musical. In the midst of all of this exubberance, was a thick , pendulous cloud of strife. I had encountered homophobia and opposition that year as i had just recently came out. My mom threatened to send me to military school when she heard it , thankfully over the years shes come to be accepting of it as it is a part of my life that i cant change. My grades were good except for math which i nearly failed thanks to one jerk of a teacher, and in the middle of the high times, the unthinkable , my dad passed away just days after i had turned 15. Ill be turning 18 in just a few days and its hard to believe its been 3 years since then. Ill be giving my final performance on my highschool stage that i have come to think of as a second home, and im thinking back on all the memories and realizing that through all of this sadness in my life my one safe haven has been the stage, the place that you think of to be the most intimidating and most vulnerable, your on display when your onstage. . . And thats the beauty of it all, Its where you can be free and where everyone onstage with you, is there by choice , not simply because they have to be or else they will get their parents in trouble for not making them go to school. I think back on all the speeces at the final curtains of several shows and think about all the friends i have grown close to and had to say goodbye to, and yet this year, im the one thats gonna be saying goodbye. ive been thinking about what i would say when they hand me that microphone to honor the seniors. and i think i wonder if everyone feels this way about it, because this is something i want to do all of my life because its the one thing im most passionate about, i truely know what it is to be a starving actor as i have dedicated my time to it reguardless of how it affects other aspects in my life. Ive iven my blood sweat and tears, litteraly and although i havent seen a single physical shred of proof that it was worth while , i have the feeling that it is because no matter what there is nothing that performing doesnt alleviate for me, in fact all te stress and pain and emotional scars in life, have made me better as a performer and there will never be a drug that can compare to the high i feel when im on stage performing. I remember all the backstage antics and all the relationships that were formed ..and staged , ( ive been married seven times in our fantasy world ) all the games of spades and ratscrew that i lost, hiding on the sets that i helped create and move. the times i ran lights for little shows. The times we all gathered around a key board or piano and sang show tunes and songs from the radio. and although all of my friends that arent from theatre dont understand it. I get a urge to cry and laugh and a tingle up my spine simultaneously whenever i hear a song from rent or wicked or chicago or practically any musical. And it reminds me of the large family i have accumulated through the years. In 2008 my father died. In 2008 i gained a new famly all together.

Chapter twelve: grinding gears, and trampling nerve endings

with each passing day i feel more and more overwhelmed, most times for no reason, whats wierd is ive actually been sleeping lately. As a life long insomniac thats always been a struggle but oddly enough ive managed to be asleep at a decent hour for about a week now, unfortunately i come home and pass out recently, as if my insomnia has now taken a switch and given me narcolepsy. Maybe its the stress but the odd thing is i dont really have much stress on my plate but rather am overwhelmed by the stress from the people i encounter and i can feel every bit of stress they feel even if they try to hide it. Not to say my life is serene right now because make no mistake it isnt but theres not the usual amount of insanity, and yet....with each passing day i begin to slip further and further into a mild opaque depression, and further and further into my addictions to self distruction. For some reason i cant focus on anything in school. And i have the innate stress of having too many things lined up in the future that although dont directly affect me are plaguing my thoughts, For starters, im trying to find a job just so i can survive, but i have to be honest in interviews, and thusly have to tell them i am in spring musical and we have rehearsals almost every day during the week in friday. Im not sure how im going to find time to work in any ways of completing the product portion of my graduation project. And whats worse is that during all of this my two close friends who are working with me on it have split and dissociated themselves from each other. Miraculously i was able to reign in the flightiest one of them but the one thats supposed to be level headed is not herself anymore. After getting an underage drinking ticket she has gone off and become a completely different person than the one i have known so well for all these years. I have completed the script for the show we are doing, while finding the time to catch up on all the missing work from english and latin, and go to musical rehearsal and search for a job, but i cant get my friend who was the one bugging me to complete it hastily, ( my hands were tied at the time because it was a colaboration and i had to have a list of songs for which to write around so that they would be relevant to the scene) and now i cant get her to respond to me at all or get it to her to read it. My latin class still is like a hell but ive found that i have a new will power in my apathy to let it all go because im far too distracted with the melodrama and worry that i might not make it through the year to care about the immature homophobes using my head as a target. I had a britney spears moment while cutting my hair, i became distracted and thisly had to bizz my whole head, it looks alright which is wierd because i havent had short hair in upwards of 8 years, and im glad it happened because the huge change has brought a new sense of things as well and taken my mind off of things that have gone wrong. I had my second interview for a job in mebane so hopefully it goes well because i need some good news. But theres still the worry, whats worse is im not sure why but my mind has ben going crazy because of all the guys sending me signals lately that i know are just all in good fun, or intended to look that way, and i cnat bring myself to advance on them because i dont want to put them in an awkward position especially knowing that my highschool experience has been hellacious because everyone knows im gay and perhaps it is best for some to stay in the closet until after its over. Besides that im sure they would not come out anyway because most of them are involved in sports or have girlfriends, although for show they may be i cant in good conscience act upon these urges of mine to attack the problem head on. Meanwhile my attenintion is pulled in another direction as my previous ex the one i told about in previous chapters has stopped talking and responding to me for some unknown reason and it drives me crazy which makes me realize, i do actually have feelings for him although we never met in real life , i still have the feeling that if only we were both older and lived a little nearer that maybe we would be together, because he does possess most if not all of the qualities i search for. I think im completely mad for the sheer fact that everyday recently scenarios are playing in my head and i keep daydreaming and losing focus on what im doing the stress is rising , the tension is nail biting and im quickly discovering that perhaps in a few days when i turn 18 nothing will change for me, which frightens me because that was supposed to be my safety goal where i could finally get some footing and quit sliding through life without any ability to navigate or manuever. Do they make a rehab for people like me, im not even sure but it seems all im really in dire need of is someone to talk to and although everyone around me is not busy and supposed to be my friend it seems like i keep talking and calling out for help, like a person with mortal wounds screaming in a crowded cafe for attention from someone who will summon help, but noone seems to notice, it feels as if im losing my voice as the sanity abandons me. Everyone around me's got problems and the worst part is i feel all of it and it compounds the situations i experience and would normally be able to handle with a great deal of grace but its all slipping for me, and for some undetermined reason ive become an outcast and havent even done anything to evoke this. im in a plethora of confusion and yet noone can seem to find thirty minutes in their daily life to set aside and talk to me in my our of need, but im supposed to be there for them everytime something goes slightly awry for them, im always there when everyone elses world is crashing down but noones there to catch me when im being pushed from the cliff of sanity and hurled into the pit of my own madness. what is this world coming to?

Chapter eleven: the rights of passage

can be truely said im not your average person, and i have either an amazing capacity for forgivness and empathy or an incredible capacity for stupidity. In fact im worse at holding grudges , than i am at holding a steady relationship. Sometimes thats a good thing but im not really sure. Like for instance i had an ex bf named nathaniel, who was not really a bf persay as to say i pretty much agreed to date him on the premise that (A. I was quite certain he would be one of those many people who makes all these grand plans to meet up and hang out with me and go on a date but ends up never following through. and (B. I pretty much figured if i said yes to this kid he would quit mac-ing on me every time i got on facebook. This was a nice guy and i didnt want to hurt his feelings but he was far to young for me. That is to say three almost four years younger than i. But eventually all the talk wore me down into saying yes based on the premises listed previously. After a while he started texting me every day, always with the sweetest things you would want to hear, and he was comletely sincere about them, which was to say shocking. As a person who has often been the one that gets played and therefore never really had a serious date aside from hook ups that are meaningless to the people involved but mean something to me on some level. Eventually after steady conversation into the wee hours of the night for upwards of a month, i somewere along the line started to develop feelings toward this person. But then as always something goes wrong as it always does. I looked on facebook ( seems to be a common reccuring pattern i think theres a convention i swear all the guys ive ever had anythign going with must all know each other in some six degrees of kevin bacon way and consort on ways to drive me insane) , i looked on facebook and he had changed his relationship status to in a relationship....with our mutual ex. I had no idea, he hadnt told me, and was still texting me as if we were still talking. I texted him when i saw it and asked about it, he came clean  but then gave me the we can still be friends line. I went a little overboard about it but then we got in a fight and some words were said that shouldnt have been from both of us. Either way i was hurt and had held a grudge for quite some time. Until a couple of months ago when i re friended him on facebook. And the bridge is still strong between us, i will probably never date him or resume talking ( as they call it) but we can still be friends. And after spencers whole issue occured, he was there to counsel me. and told me something that amazed me. I was having my usual spiral , that all the men ive ever been with think of me as a whore, and are only in it and only tell me things that i want to hear, because they think they can get what they want, after they get it , or get tired of waiting theyre gone. I had convinced myself that everyone of them was full of bs. and i told him this. I wasnt he said, i was completely honest about everything with you, i was seriously serious about wanting a relationship with you, he said to me. and i thought to myself maybe its not all in vain that im so forgiven , somepeople will never change, but some people no matter how dispicable what they do to you is , deserve a second chance. thats my thought for right now. The senior project i have to do is really plaguing me at the moment. I had originally back last year set my project up as being theatre, i was planning to do a show. Then my friend barb asked me and blake to be part of her recently topic changed project, and now theres issues of stepping on toes and its just a big mess. I have a fan that im not sure who it is, i keep thinking to myself, how amazing it is that someone read my work , how greatful i am that they only had nice things to say. And lastly , who is it because the names are anonomous, And how bizzarre would it be if it turned out to be someone i knew. These thoughts plague me. so now i have a mystery on my hands to distrat me from my furry towards one of my friends who is procrastinating and therefore making me either decide to exclude her from the decisions process and make her deal with it , or possibly fail by being polite and waiting for possibly eternity for her to get me a list of songs around which to write the show. im still not sure what i should do. but the time for dicking around has come to an end and its time to work, i dont know how it will turn out but its going to be dramatic im sure, it always is.

Chapter ten: Dear Mr. President, your no hero for the common people

Its amazing how far weve come as a society. We have gone from living in huts and living off of berries and small animals, to living in buildings made of steele that reach up thousands of feet into the air. Weve gone from nudists who had to eat things raw to being flashy fashionistas who fly about in airplanes bigger than they need to be. Weve gone from being a world that is ruled by white land owning men that depend on the labor of enslaved africans to being a society where anyone over the age of 18 can have a say in how the country is run. Weve gone from knights fighting over religious control in jerusalem to being corporate leaders fighting over economic domination and stocks. Weve come far as people but some things never change. Still in this country we are overly abundant in ignorance. We still go around quoting a book that was written thousands of years ago and translated so many times its no longer the same. We go around dictating and jusging people based on words in this book, where it also says , that man is not fit to judge another man and thusly is the biggest sinner of all when they do so. Yet still we live in a society where someone is demeaned , harrassed, abused , bullied , murdered, and treated as second class citizens simply because they are attracted to members of the same sex. My faith in humanity is severly low. As a gay guy in highschool in north carolina , i can tell you first hand that , things havent changed. Everyday i get called the word faggot, the most demeaning term in the english language, by people who dont even know me, and are afraid to say it to my face. In my second period class last semester and my third period this semester im forced to be in an enviroment with some of the most ignorant closed minded hypocritical people it has ever been my displeasure to meet. I hear them in the back of class mumbling slurs like faggot under their breath directed at me. I feel the erasers and crayon peices and trash and other various projectiles that they throw at me slap the back of my neck with the burn of the hatred that was invocked upon throwing it. I dont understand how people that dont know me or anything about me, people who i dont say anything to or in any way try to infuriate would want to intentionally cause me pain simply because im gay as if my sexual orientation had the slightest bit of signifigance to their lives. Im forced to be in class with these people, and its not all the people in the class, i dont disturb class i dont bother anyone i mind my own business and do my own work. Yet day after day i have to endure being humiliated and harrassed. Im not one to swallow my pride, in fact ive had a history of violence. During my middle school years i was in and out of the principles office, my peak was three times in one week. I had a lot of fights, i never started any of them but i always got suspended. I was teased and humiliated for not only being short , but gay. And i was particularly hesitant to come out of the closet because of the bullying i experienced in my middle school years. One particular fight that is still talked about amongst members of my senior class is my fight with a kid named aaron who had called me faggot and shoved me into a desk. I lost all of my cool at that moment and leaped upon his back and put him in a tight choke hold, I was going to kill him literally and truely. Luckily before he was to the point of passing out my teacher walked in and we were both hauled into the principals office where i once again was suspended. Ive come a long way since then i have learned a lot of self control since then and since 8th grade have not gotten into a fight at school. Like i said its hard for me to walk away and let things go especially malicious things like this , things like this are the cause for events like columbine. Today was the worst day, its only six or so days into the new semester, and ive been harrassed up to my boiling point. In fact today i thought i was going to go to jail for murder because i did not think my self control was going to last. I sat minding my business and continually was bombarded with things thrown at my back while im just trying to take my test. At one point i turned around and shouted to the corner of the room from whence the things were coming and shouted very loudly. " Whoever is throwing shit at me over there, the next thing that hits me is the last straw im going to take the broom in the corner over there and knock you out with it knock it the fuck off!" as soon as i turned around another thing hit me in the neck. My hands tightened as i squeezed my pencil and heard it snap in my grasp. Unfortunately for me im in a precarious position, the administration staff does not look out for us gay students ( the whole three of us). If i get harrassed it goes unnoticed if i complain all ive done is give the harrassers a reason to escalate the situation into violence, but if i fight back im going to get suspended. If i get suspended it goes on my record and no college will accept me because of it. I have spent three years enduring hell and dealt with it well, i have bit my tongue so many times it practically has holes in it. And if i didnt need latin 2 to graduate i would drop the class. After the bell rang i went to lunch to vent to my good friends, and after lunc ws over i got in class first and had a conversation with my teacher who said he'd talk to them and tell them to knock it off. The final bell rang and clss was back in session once again the back of my head was a bullseye. I nearly lost my cool when the bell finally rang and i could go home and smoke a cigarette to calm me down. Im to the breaking point with being harrassed and not quite sure i can take any more of it. Its a shame that so much has changed and yet gay people are still harassed and treated as if we were slaves. Its a subservient society we live in and we are far from where we should be, some of the most talented influential people in history were part of the minority that still today is denied the right to marry and its legally permissable to treat us like we have no civil rights at all, school especially is a battleground everyday i myself worry about wether or not one of the homophobic people i go to school with is going to commit an act of violence against me that i wont see coming and get away with it. I have to fear for my life because the media and the parents and american society in general has taught generation after generation to fear and hate and debase gay people, they are taught its okay even "the right thing to do" they are taught to hate. why is it this way and why is it that i no longer feel safe to walk around. It shouldnt be like that for anyone living in america, especially now that everyone else has their rights in full, Its now worht a three day suspension to say the word " nigger" but yet i get called a faggot at least four times a day and noone seems to bat an eyelash. Its a fucked up world we live in

Chapter Nine: everday is an adventure

Today has been one of those days, the average for me what others call extraordinary. I dont exactly lead the humdrum life. it started out with my usual routine , although i seemed to wake up later than usual, im normally awake by 5:30 lying idle in bed at 6:00 and up an'at em' by 7:00 , and leaving by 7:10. Today however i awoke with a jolt and looked at my phone which i for the first time in a while had actually put on full volume instead of the recently normal vibrate setting. I gazed blurry eyed at the screen and saw that it was now 7:20. and i had to be at school and should have been on the road ten minutes ago and i wasnt yet dressed or in any way ready. I leapt out of bed seized the pair of pants in my drawer and a shirt ( thank god it matched i was so late i didnt even care). I rushed up stairs washed my hair and brushed my teeth simultaneously without getting any spit or foam in my hair. got dressedgoing down the stairs, grabbed my phone and my jacket. I rifled through my burea and retrieved the lone cigarette i had hidden in my video case where i put the nasty basic ultra light 100's i steal from my mom when im running low on cigarettes and have no money. - the night before i had gotten my w2 from target and my last pay check in the mail, ( incidentally my horoscope for that day stated "youll be coming into some money today")-. Grabbed the check and the w2 slipped on my shoes and hustled out to my car. It started the first time much to my surprise. I kicked it into reverse backed up the hill put it into first and lit out of the dirt road driveway like a bat out of hell. I got on the mainroad and proceeded toward school on my usual path at about 80mph. not even sweating when the cops passed me by. lighting my cigarette while driving with my knee-cap and changing the radio station. after a little whil i had made it to school the time had now advanced to 7:45 miraculously i was not late ( its miraculous because going the speed limit my house is half an hour away from the school ). I saw my friend amber who had been dropped off because her car was borrowed by her mom whilst her moms car was in the shop. She asked me if i could give her a ride after school i replied yes. Then asked what she was doing during the early release gap between then and when we had to come back for rehearsal she said nothing. She asked if it would be chill for her to roll with me i said yeah which was beneficial because amber is 18 and has an id. After a long class day, lots of fun in first, learning i had won the senior superlative of "most likely to quote a movie in conversation" in homeroom, leg pain like having a dentist drill attacking my tibia and fibula in second, and rolling blackouts in third, i got out of school and met amber in the commons. We zipped out of the parking lot and proceeded to the bank to cash my check. after going through the bank equivalent of airport security i got my whole $27.37 from my last week of work at target and spent five of it on a pack of marlboro menthols ( they were on sale so i decided for them as apposed to my usual L&M's). We went to rehearsal after a breif luncheon at smcakdonalds ( as i call it) . Rehearsal was full of laughter and playful banter as well as choregraphy improvs that would make anyone laugh, it was a theatrical day for me, i played characters and worked in my rather unorthadox way to discover what i was to bring to my role of sir evelyn oakly in anything goes. Afte rehearsal i took amber and aubrey ( aubz) home which wasnt too awful far from the school. after taking a long wrong turn i eventually ended up on university drive and followed my way down to target to sort out my tax ordeal with my flawwed w2. I got back in my car got gas two minutes after my gas light made its unwanted debut once again on my instrument panel. I decided while i was in the neighborhood to go to my previous first place of employment to see if my w2 from there was in and if not talk to holly about it. I got there and got my w2 and reviewed it with my friend lauren who hadnt heard that i got terminated , so i explained the story to her while we sat there after shooting the breeze on our sex lives for a brief minute. During my explaination one of the guys from swim team approached the counter which was what he usually did. he held out a dollar to me as if to ask for something from the snack bar, i started to take it because it had been outstretched toward me for about a minute, i started to think it was a tip. Lauren grabbed the bill before i could get it and said he dont work here anymore fool. The guy asked why not. i explained briefly that it was just a thing of my employment there had run its course. He didnt seem to understand so i resorted to using an analogy. "its sort of like on facebook when your webpage times out" i said. I dont have a facebook he replied. What! i could not believe this kid had no idea about facebook. Lauren looked at me and said hes a youngin. this was a tall guy. I asked him how old he was he replied 14. Thats nothing i said kids your age are all over the map, i once got hit on by a 14 year old. he looked distonished. He thought for a moment i was talking about him,. no no i explained i was just saying 14 is a pretty mature age as far as mentality and behavior goes , your well old enough to know about and even have a facebook. he breathed a sigh of relief and said i thought you were calling me gay. I said no he said good because i get in fights with people when they call me gay. Lauren and i looked at each other then back at him, then in unison said WHY? He explained that he didnt like gay people, i explained in return that i was gay. He looked both embarassed and a little wierded out, i said do you not like me. NO i mean i dont have anything against gays they just wierd me out i wont get within a foot of a gay person he said. in defiance i got in his bubble . he retreated and i was like oh your serious , he goes yeah and then explained an experience he had had with a wierd person in general who just happened to be gay. i explained to him that not all gay people are like that . and we got into a debate over why he should change his views and be more open minded and accepting of people and how just because someone is gay doesnt mean they want to jump your bones or are going to rape you when you let your guard down ( although in my experience emotionally this is true with all people in the world). I told him, just because someone is gay doesnt mean theyre attracted to EVRYTHING that has a penis. At this time my friend Anna walked in and asked what'd i miss. Lauren motioned toward this guy and said to anna " ol boy here is secretly having a little freak out because he just learned that dustin is gay" to which anna looked at him with a serious look on her face like she often gets when about to share words of wisdom and said Why?. The guy responded, i just dont like gay people. Why? anna asked again a little more assertively. Then he replied that gay people creep him out to which anna sat up and began her speech. " your gonna go nowhere in life with that kind of attitude honey. youve got to learn to accept people as they come because in the real world you have to deal with all tpyes of people. and they all deserve respect and they are all equal and you should treat them as such. just because someone likes guys doesnt mean theyre a threat to you. and you shouldnt dislike gay people gay people are some of the coolest people in the world you will ever meet you should be lucky to have met one its not as if they wake up one morning and say im gonna be gay today or anything you dont choose your prefferences you should respect all people the same way". To this the guy had no retort and slinked away like a dog with his tail between his legs. Lauren and i applauded anna and her spot on speech i had never had as much respect for a person both for being completely honest and factual and for delivering a verbal bitch slap to someone without using one insult. after some time had passed and we continued to discuss random things i decided to leave after saying goodbye to everyone. I got home and immediately was asked by my mom to go to the grocery store to get some drink and such. Once again i saddled up the hoopty and scurried down the driveway/dirtroad toward greenlevels foodlion. I got there parked and locked my car. I proceeded towards the door a lady was walking to her car with a cellular device in hand , at first i thought she was talkin either on her phone or to herself. But then i realized she was addressing me and figured maybe i might have left my lights on or something. Hey she said to which i hesitantly replied ...hi? Where did you drop mark off she said . i was confused and said who is mark. she got attitude in her voice and posture and looked at me like i was playing dumb and said :"the guy that was in the back of your car.... where did you drop him off?". " lady there was noone in the back of my car , noone would fit in the back of my car" i explained hoping this obviously confused woman might realize she had a case of mistaken identity going on. But more irritated this soccer mom looking 35 ish lady replied in a more irrate tone " dont play with me where did you drop mark off" then muttered under her breaht something garbeled out of which i only registered " im not afraid to call the cops dont mess with me im not playin". I sized this woman up in my mind a little bit and realized she obviously thoguht she was bad a normal person would have been severly mond fucked and scared at the moment, but i however had lived with my dad off and on when i was a child, i was raised in the trap aka franklin street in downtown greensboro, nothing scared me anymore. I looked this woman straight in the eyes and in just the same tone she used towards me i reciprocated " Lady i dont know you , im pretty damn sure you dont know me, i dont know who the hell mark is nor do i give a fuck where he was or wasnt dropped off but you dont know me good day". pissed off she stamped her feet in a cocky entitled manner and Said loudly "Whatever" and stomped off to her car angrily. I sat there thinking wanting eagerly to call after this woman and say " lady i want you to know marijauna is illegal and i suggest you stop smoking it because its effects are obviously too much for you to handle" but i didnt instead i sauntered into the store to get what i came for. As i recounted the story of the events of my day to my friends online and via text, i thought to myself. This kind of day is normal for me, most people have boring days, but for me everyone is an advnture. I always learn something improtant everyday , a "normal day" is very uncommon for me. Im always getting into some shennanigan or something be it comedic dramatic tragic or just plain absurd. My life is a very different and i march to the beat of my own drummer and groove to the vibes of a trippy guitar. I dont know another person in all of history or the current world today jesus included that could or would be willing to walk in my platforms. And i wouldnt change it for anything, Being this different as i certainly am , instills me with a strong belief that im special and being special im going to go places be they  good or bad depending on how i am and how i handle myself and my mind set, i have a positive mind set so maybe its not crazy that i could be famous. Maybe its not crazy that im going to be remembered in years to come after im gone, its amazing to be who i am today, and im no longer ashamed of that .