Chapter Thirty Three: Stronger than yesterday

In my last post, i was on the verge of what could have been the most ignorant move i ever made. I was close to getting attached emotionally with Austen. Although i severely miss cuddling and having sex with him, I'm happy my brain caught up to my heart who was going a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. I did end up getting emotionally attached, but in a less self harming way. Im glad i stopped before i fell in love. I had the unfortunate conversation with Austen, where i asked him whether or not, it was worth exloring, and heres what he responded. "your really sweet dusitn, and i do believe we have a lot in common, but i dont see you as more than a friend, your a really great guy and i definitely think of you as more than a booty call, but believe when i say im just not boyfriend material, i still want to be your friend and i understand if you want to cut the benefits no hard feelings". A part of me was hurting and a part of me was free. I felt so close to him, i shared more than just my time and my body with him. I shared a small part of my soul, and he wasn't afraid to accept me as i was. I really liked this one, primarily because i saw so much of myself reflected in him. so of course i felt defeated. But in the end, i know he wants to go back home to D.C. eventually and im not going to be in a position to do that, im not ever going to be in a position to make someone choose between me and their dreams. And i dont know if i could have gone on longer with him, and not fallen for him head over heels, and then if we broke up i would have been devestated. not long ago after this conversation i set up an Adam4Adam account. It Blew Uppppp. Lots of creepy older guys, quite a few young lovelies. I also saw whilst browsing some surprising developments including, old acquaintences, and some nefarious characters, whose identities i have previously disclosed in prior chapters. Namely David Zich. I find it THOROUGHLY amusing, that he was preaching how he'd found his soulmate ( twice mind you) after fucking me over royaly, and flaunting his presumed mutual happiness, and yet, he was cruising on Adam4Adam . But i digress . The horizons arent as bleak and meaningless and vindictively satisfying as it would seem, there is genuinely good news. I met a very cute emo guy, by the name of Tony. We talked a lot, and instead of exchanging pictures of our genetalia as is apparantly the custom on such a website. We exchanged meaningful conversations and poetry, after a few days, we exchanged phone numbers. we texted everyday for the next week and a half to two weeks. ( i dont keep good track of time elapsed or else ill realize how long ive been on the planet without advancing very much) We finally went on a date last night, I met him for coffee at starbucks and we watched the vow, it was the most normal run of the mill date experience. I never thought i could enjoy that. We talked even more, he was much cuter in person, and such a gentleman, he drove me to and fro, and payed my way, even though i had money and would have been more than happy to do so myself. At the end of the night, we hugged and kissed and said goodbye and i felt fulfilled, and i hadn't gone back to his place or degraded myself I was proud of myself for such restraint, but even more amazed that even though i knew he wanted to go farther, he didnt persue it. ( i wont disclose how i know this lets just say i know based upon certain developments shall we say. ) It was absolutely adorable. Im definitely seeing Tony again sometime very soon. I will try my best to keep from being a slut, but im definitely lying if i said i didnt want to. But i think this one may be someone to hold on to