Chapter three :Navigating the minefield

Ive had many numerous moments in my life where being in love , or rather being 'in like' with someone meant you had to be a mind reader. The problem is, being able to read people also has its drawbacks too. For instance in some cases knowing when someones up to something thats not in your favor and you call them on it, they become pissed off at you and wonder why you dont trust them. Like Cohen, we had a breif online thing, we never met in person because everytime i would ask he would never seem to set a date for meeting me, which was pathetic because he only lived one county over 15 minutes by highway. We met over facebook after he spent a day hanging out with my friend whitney. Whitney texted me to come hang out with her. I of course could not because i had musical rehearsals, but she told me to look him up on facebook because he was interested in me. It sounded sketch at first but after he accepted my request i began to operate under the assumtion that it was legit. We talked for a little bit ( a little bit here being about two weeks) through text messages. until he asked how fit i was and i replied that i had a six pack and he said he didnt believe it, so i sent him a picture of them and asked if he liked what he saw. ( I know im sounding like a complete whore here but you must remember, im a fool when it comes to love and im not uptight about anything really and i sincerely thought this guy was going to be "husband material"). Too which he replied , " it kind of made me uncomfortable because i have a boyfriend". I felt absolutely godsmacked i was filled with a combination of butane nicotene and rage i had been had again. After two weeks had passed his relationship ended and he resumed texting me, and once again i began buying into the lies again over sharing small talk. When he found someone hed stop texting me the moment that it ended it was back to texting me again until all hours of the night and so it went for a few months, then it kind of got to the point where i thought for once he might be taking me seriously, and aside from him being off and on more than the lights in a motel six i really liked this guy from the conversations we had shared. It finally got to the most serious point it would get to when he texted me one night while jacking off. He asked for me to send him pictures for inspiration, i was very hesitant, and he decided he didnt want a full nude but rather a suggestive pic that left things to his imagination. I felt that that was not beneath my dignity so i sent him one ( in which i must say i looked very nice). After that night , i began to live under the false hope that maybe he was interested in me on a serious level. After a while he quit texting and was once again on to another guy and the back and forth continued. It all culminated to a head when his ex friended me on facebook and then began to immediately hit on me after i accepted his request. At first i wanted nothing to do with this fourteen year old guy who was all about wanting to " treat me how i should be treated" and " be a real man for me". After a while the persistance payed off and i told him i would give him a shot ( primarily because i didnt think he was serious and i thought at the very least he would be less annoying). I actually grew in some ways emotionally attached to this guy who was very sweet and treated me with respect and complimented me , and made me feel as if i actually mattered to him which was something i had never felt before from a guy. After a week or two he was continuing to text me on a daily basis , and then i saw on facebook he was back with our mutual ex cohen to which i had to confront him for, we got in a huge fight. ( we eventually mended our friendship quite recently actually). Cohen on the other hand i could not forgive because during one of our all out textual warfare on each other, he said the worst thing he could have possibly said " i was never really interested in you at all". This moment made me feel the cheapest and the most hurt that ive felt since my first love ( who ill probably tell you about soon). It left my head reeling and me wondering many things two most important , One of which is then why would you lead me on like that and ASK my friend for ME to look YOU up. the second part of the first part being was this just something he said out of spite to hurt me . And lastly  why would someone do something so maliciously , either way it turned out it was a losing situation , each of the two scenarios meant that he was deliberately trying to hurt my feelings. And it made me wonder why is it that i keep finding these guys that want to hurt my feelings, and why is it that i cant seem to find an honest one to save my life , or at least an honest one thats: single , interested, Not completely busted, and of at least consenting age. It made me think that love is like navigating a minefield , your going to get hurt, your going to take missteps but hopefully ,( or so the theory goes) once you navigate through the field if you dont die on the way your perfect one or at least one that you can make it work with will be on the other side.